but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
