I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize