Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
