I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
