I think im going to throw up on grandma
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize