you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
