New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
