You really coming over, don't trick.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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