mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
