I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
