So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
