Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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