Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't deserve a penis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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