we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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