Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
