Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
