Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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