Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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