so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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