we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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