its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
