I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize