JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
