i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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