what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
