Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize