quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sober January is a disaster.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
