Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
