nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found your dick twin last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
