he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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