tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
