Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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