weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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