belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just cropdusted the office
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
