Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need water and some morals
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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