8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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