Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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