True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
