A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
