But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You need Xanax blowdarts
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
