Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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