do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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