Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
