when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
