I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
