the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
