We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
