if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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