this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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