Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
NoShamevember. You game?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
