They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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