It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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