I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
