i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
