Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
