When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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