I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
