Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
