Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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