she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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