I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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