Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
