Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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