Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
