I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
