I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How external is "for external use only"?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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