Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
