New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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