pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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