She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
