Cold hands, warm shart.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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