I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize