I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
