My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
