i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
