you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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