what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
