didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
